New technology should not be withheld completely from a child’s life, parents must simply impose rules (on themselves – first of all) so that phones are used wisely.
How can we let our children play with mobile phones wisely?
Dr. Tiziana Manigrasso, psychotherapist and consultant in primary and early years education, explains.
Newborns are naturally digital natives, right? False.
Your child may be called a ‘digital native’ because he or she came to life during the technology age. It’s also true that a ‘digital native’ is someone who has a particular aptitude for using new technologies.
This aptitude develops with continued use and interest. Children are not born with this innate aptitude, it’s us grown-ups who actually make them digital by constantly exposing them to such stimuli from an early stage.
Don't feel pressured to introduce your child to smartphone use from early on, because you’re afraid that they’ll fall behind the others. When the time’s right, they’ll pick it up quickly and will soon be on a par with children who’ve been overexposed to it.
In the meantime, they’ll have learnt about the world and how to relate through more active play which employs all five senses and not just two. Traditional games are, in fact, very important for a child's development, both cognitive wise as well as emotional.
When should you avoid letting children use smartphones?
Digital devices have many advantages, if used the right way and wisely. All the more so if we are talking about children, who still have to develop their skills in dealing with the outside world.
There are certain times when handing your phone to your child is not advisable:
- Before the age of two. Young children have just begun to explore the world around them and need to actively relate to external stimuli.
- While breastfeeding or at mealtimes. There should be no mobile phones when at the table for meals. This time should be fully dedicated to sharing our day with the family.
- At least one hour before going to bed. Using a smartphone close to bedtime negatively affects the sleep-wake rhythm, making it difficult for a child to fall asleep.
- When content is stimulating or not appropriate. Parents should only let their children view age-appropriate videos and games.
- If used as a comforter, i.e. as a way to calm them down when they are restless and to keep them quiet in public places.
Why shouldn't you use your smartphone to calm or soothe your child?
One of the most common pitfalls parents tend to fall into is that of using their mobile phone as a tool for calming their child down.
A child when watching their favourite cartoons on a screen magically calms down when unsettled or upset. It’s a big temptation, especially when a parent is in the company of others and worries that their child may become unsettled and bother others in public places, such as restaurants or on public transport.
This is one of the worst ways we can use smartphones with children, as it creates a kind of dependency in a child and negatively affects their emotional development of self-regulation.
How to calm a child down without resorting to your smartphone
When your child becomes restless or upset, try talking to them in a soothing and calm manner, keeping your tone low. This has a soothing effect not only on the child but also on adults.
Screen time how much is too much: how much time per day should a child spend online?
According to the Italian Society of Paediatrics guidelines on the recommended screen time by age, it’s a good idea to limit the amount of time a child spends playing with a mobile phone depending on his or her age:
- Never under two years of age
- No more than one hour a day from two to five years of age
- No more than two hours a day from five to eight years old
The use of mobile phones and smartphones should always take place under supervision of an adult who promotes learning and interaction at the same time. The parent, or whoever else is with the child, should explain what they are seeing and stimulate their mental development of early childhood.
Rules to avoid succumbing to the temptation of using your Smartphone for some peace and quiet
In order to ensure that children don’t overuse digital phones and tablets, we need to set a few ground rules first.
It’s usually true that us adults are the first to succumb to temptation. As parents, we should think about our child's well-being and set a good example.
Here are some guidelines that may help you:
- When breastfeeding, turn off notifications. Breastfeeding is an intimate moment between you and your baby, when the bond between you grows. A mum’s full attention should be on her newborn baby.
- Leave your mobile phone in another room. When you play with your baby, be fully present, without distractions.
- Schedule times throughout the day when you’re online and offline. We should allow ourselves offline moments to enjoy some down time with ourselves and our family, such as during mealtimes.
- Look after both your sleep and your child’s sleep by leaving mobile phones switched off (or offline) and in another room, especially at night.
In conclusion, we should always keep in mind that technology does offer many benefits, if used wisely. This awareness must be passed on to our children as they grow up, showing them both the benefits and the risks.
It's important for parents to keep up with and be in touch with the times: technology is ever evolving.
Dr Tiziana Manigrasso - Psychotherapist
“It takes a village to raise a child. It’s also important that that village is healthy.
I take care of the village,” writes Dr Manigrasso on Linkedin. A family and couple psychotherapist, she also provides counselling for parents and teachers at early education level.
